Chapter Seven

I'm starting to believe there is no God. How could he put a perosn in the position I'm in. All I had left was hate, hate for my brothers getting to play outside and even the sun. Mother treated me like a rag doll when she would beat me. I hated mother so much I wish she was dead. I tried to think of when she would die. Wanting her to feel my pain and lonlieness. My brothers didn't even act like they knew me, they began beating me too. I was starting to believe that all this was my fault because I let it go on for so long. I couldn't even go to school and be ok. Clifford the bully beat me up but just to show off to his friends. There was Aggie too. She always was tormenting me calling me names and getting her friends to join along. She even tried to get me to jump off the edge of the boat. For a minute I thought about it, maybe all this would be over if I did. The letter I gave the mother from Mr. Zeigler turned everything bad. I was a nobody. Nothing but an "It". I became more and more rebellious. Like the time at the grocery store. When we got home I got the ammonia and clorox treatment. I rushed to the vent but no air came out. I was in there forever, I could feel the fumes around the floor. The only person I really cared for was my little baby brother Kevin I loved him. I had no hope left I thought I was done for. I just bowed my head and began to pray..

Chapter Six

While father is away Mother treats me much worse. Father is hardly home now and even when he isn't at work he still doesn't come home. Mother had starved me for 10 days now.. and even put the left over food from dinner down the garbage disposal because she knew I would try and take it. She even locked the freezer in the garage and kept the key. The only thing to get me full was to drink the water from the sink and fill the ice cube trays and drink the water out of it. I had to be careful not to wake mother when I turned on the sink. She had no symptathy for me laughing at me when I begged for food. One night mother slammed a plate of food infront of me and told me I had 2 minutes to eat the food. Right before I went to put the food in my mouth, Mother took the plate from me. Why does she do this to me. After the 10 days mother placed food infront of me again and told me I had 2 minutes. I knew she was playing a game. I shoveled the food in my mouth so she woudnt have time to take it away. When I was finished she told me I eat like a pig. I didn't care at all I got the food. Mother later did a new game when she took me to the bathroom. But there was no bucket. She started filling the tub up with cold water and demanded I take my clothes off. She made me get in the tub with my head under the water and keep it there. it felt like forever but when I got to get out I started drying myself off but she just told me to put my clothes on the way I was. It just keeps getting worse...

Chapter Five

Why does Mother give me these time limits.. especially after what happened there would be no way I would meet them. I know it was an accident but I can't believe she stabbed me. And I can't believe I actually survived.. I thought it was the end. She helped by taking me to the bathroom and holding a cloth on my wound and then made me put my clothes back on and go do the dished in 30 mintues. I knew this would be impossible. Every move I made sent a huge pain through my body. By the time I got down the steps my clothes were drenched in blood. When mother wasn't looking I went and talked to father quietly trying to tell him she stabbed me but he acted like I wasn't there. Telling me I better go get the dishes done. I could barely wash and put the dishes away the pain was horrible. I didn't meet mother's time limit I was an hour over. I didn't know what would happen next for my punishment. When I went downstairs mother met me at the bottom. She changed my bloody clothes into some new ones. Suprisingly she went and got me a glass of water saying she would feed me in a couple of hours. Mother even let me go outside and play with my brothers and play with sparklers. Three days after my accident, I had to clean my wound by myself. I turned the basement sink on quietly and got a clean rag, rolled the shirt up and was trying to clean my wound. Yellowy stuff was oozing out of it. After I was done I returned to my place at the bottom of the steps... I was superman.

Chapter Four

I think this is the worst it's ever been.. Mother must hate me. I only stole the hot dogs from school cause I was so terribly hungry. I should have known I'd pay for it later. When she shoved her fingers down my throat it was over.. I just wanted her to stop. I told her I would just do it myself. I never thought after I threw the hotdogs up she would make me eat them. It was disgusting. But I knew it would make her go away. I guess this was to get me from stopping stealing food but I couldn't help it I was so hungry. Maybe it will get better...

Chapter Three

I had won! I had defeated Mother for the first time.. I survived. What makes me such a bad boy, I never do anything wrong. I dont know what makes Mother hate me so much. So much she makes me stand in front of the mirror and just look at myself. She doesnt treat Ron or Stan like this and they both know what goes on with me. I think when she would have me go look for her "lost" things it was jsut so she didn't have to look at me even though I wouldn't bother her. Mother is a liar. The doctor knew something was wrong but everything was just an "accident". No one knew that mother would hurt me so bad. And I thought she was just telling me about the mom who put her kid on a stove. But no she did it to me! At least burned my arm.. I had saved myself from being burned on the stove. All because Ron came home. She never did it when anyone else was around. Im just a "bad boy".

Chapter Two

I miss those times. Everyone was so happy, even Mother. I never would have thought she would do this to me. I wish I could go back and just stay at the Russian River. It was my favorite place. Back then our house was clean and Mother cared for me and my brothers so much. She always made dinner to feed us all unlike now. I loved Christmas! Now I dont even look forward to it. Mother and Dad would drive us around to look at the neighboorhood lights. Ours was always the best of course. My family was loving, caring, and happy. Mother even let me get out of school a half an hour early one time to go on a trip! I really wish i knew what happened to all of this....?

Chapter One

It happened again, Mother smacked me cause I took my hands out of the scalding water. Everyone has to know at school well all they know is I look dirty and I smell. I know my teachers know and the nurse. I just never want to tell the truth because then they call Mother. Last time that happened, I came back the next day with even more brusies. It's always accidents I say it everytime. Why does mother do this to me? Treats me like I'm nothing. I thought I could get away at school but that's slipped away from me too. That police man calls Mother. Oh god does he not understand what is going to happen to me when he does. I want to protect Mother but I dont know what to do. I guess him taking me away says I'm free.